Would You Quit Annoying Me?
by Hazel Roses
Summary: Irritating the characters is quite entertaining. Telling Kakashi there is a new Make Out book, putting dog food in Kiba's meals, stealing Tsunade's alcohol. Or maybe putting Moon Sand in Deidara's clay. Hidn sure would be angry if he couldn't find his rosary. It's too much fun to handle. This is the real way how to annoy the characters. Rating varies.
1. Kakashi

**A/N: This will not always follow the manga.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters depicted in the show. I do not make any money from this fic. It is solely for entertainment purposes only.**

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**K**_a_k**a**_s_h**i**_:_

Tell him there is a new addition to the Make Out series

Kakashi felt his fingers twitch at the words that were coming from his two former students, the bowl of ramen in front of him completely forgotten. The Jounin leaned forward in his chair towards the blonde and rosette, interest highlighting his single ebony orb. Gloved hands gripped the counter tightly, his heart pounding with anticipation.

"Master Jiraiya made a new book?" he asked Naruto while trying to hide the excitement in his voice.

"That's right," Naruto answered as he glanced at Sakura quickly with a smile that went unnoticed by the older man. "Pervy Sage said it will be at the bookstore tomorrow. They're opening a four a.m. and there are a limited amount of copies signed by him that have a preview of the next book."

"There's _another_ book after that one?" Kakashi felt like a child that had been told they could have as much ice cream as they wanted. His favorite series was going to be continued and there was not one, but _two _books that would be added to his collection. There was no way in hell that he wouldn't be the first one to get his hands on that book.

Sakura smiled at him after picking up her chopsticks and digging into the bowl of Ichiraku's ramen. "Master Jiraiya said that there were only ten of the limited addition ones, but there is something even more special for the first buyer."

Curiosity gleamed in the older man's eye at those words. "And what's that?"

The sixteen year old medic reached into her weapon's pouch and pulled out a piece of folded white paper. "This is being given to all the fans in the Village. I specifically asked Master Jiraiya for this one because I knew you would want it. This has a special jutsu on it so if you open it before you're supposed to, you'll be marked as a cheater and won't be able to buy the new series. Open it only if you are the first person there and say the words on the paper. Master Jiraiya will appear and you can get the first copy published from him."

Kakashi tenderly took the precious piece of paper from her hands before asking, "What's the new book called?"

The two young ninjas blinked. "You want to know what it's called?" Sakura questioned, swallowing thickly.

"Well, I can't buy it if I don't know what the name of the book is."

Naruto gave Kakashi a huge smile. "It's called Make Out Extreme. Pervy Sage did lots of research for this one."

The Copy Ninja missed the roll of Sakura's green eyes, the wheels in his mind turning and determination seeping into his muscled form. He was going to be the first one and if someone else tried to get in his way, he just might kill them. The suspense of what the paper said was killing him, but something didn't seem quite right about of this.

Giving his ex students a scrutinizing look, he asked, "Are you sure?"

Sakura frowned before holding out her hand. "Well if you don't want it, give it back."

"No," he said quickly, putting the new light of his life in one of the pockets of his Jounin vest.

If the bookstore was going to be opening at four o'clock, he would get there three hours early to beat the crowd. The fact that he was a ninja (one of the best at that) so he would use that to his advantage. Kakashi wouldn't hesitate to put someone in genjutsu if it meant he would read the paper first and get the first published book.

"Thanks guys," Kakashi said gratefully as he slid out of the chair, pulling money out of his wallet to pay for their meals. "I'll be off now."

He disappeared in a cloud of smoke; Naruto and Sakura tried hard to hold back their laughter, but failed miserably, their cackling making their stomachs sore.

The knucklehead ninja looked over at his partner in crime after wiping tears from the corner's of his eyes. "I can't wait to see Kakashi-sensei waiting outside that bookstore like an idiot!"

Sakura hmphed and crossed her arms. "That's what he gets for always being late. I tailed him one morning to see just what made him late and at first I understood because he went to visit the cemetery, but afterwards he went to breakfast and was busy _flirting _with some skank waitress! This should be a lesson that he should start being on time for his appointments. If he's on time for this, we'll know he's just been blowing us off this entire time."

Naruto nodded in agreement, continuing to dig into his ramen. "This is going to be so funny."

* * *

Kakashi woke up and immediately felt the heavy weight of dread. He shouldn't have woken up on his own; the ninja had set his alarm so he would get up early enough to be the first one at the bookstore. Groaning with annoyance, Kakashi stole a look at the clock.

"Damn it!" he cursed when he saw it was ten minutes to four.

Quickly checking the contraption, he saw that he set it for one in the afternoon, not in the morning. Kakashi leaped out of bed, rushed to the bathroom, and struggled to put on his sandals while trying to brush his teeth. He didn't bother to wash his face or do any of the other morning rituals and managed to get out of the house in two minutes flat. Luckily, he had slept in his clothes so the paper was still securely in the pocket of his jounin vest. The shinobi pulled it out and held it tightly in his fist, moving as fast as he could to get to the bookstore across town.

When Kakashi was halfway there, he cursed again; why didn't he just use the transportation jutsu to get there faster? Grumbling under his breath, Kakashi did some hand signs and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his destination. It was short lived when he saw people coming from different directions with the same small slips of paper in their hands as Kakashi.

Kakashi bolted to the door and quickly opened the slip of paper. "You suck Kakashi-sensei!" The male triumphantly smiled underneath his mask, but then paused. "Wait...what?"

"That's what you get."

Said man turned to see two of his rivals for the first Make Out Extreme smiling at him before the disappeared in a cloud of smoke, revealing Kakashi's worst fears: this whole thing was a ploy.

Sakura and Naruto stood glaring at their teacher, arms crossed over their chests. Sakura took a step forward and said curtly, "So, you can be on time for this?"

"I..." For once, the smooth talker was lost for words. He was caught and there was nothing he could do to get himself out of it so he asked the next best thing. "So I take it there is no Make Out Extreme?"

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura growled as she raised her hand and adjusted the glove on it.

Naruto began to chuckle as the female stalked towards her their teacher while Kakashi calculated the best way on how to avoid her until she wasn't angry anymore; at least a month would have to be spent trying to keep away from the irate teenager.

As Kakashi quickly teleported away, his world shattered at realization that there wasn't a continuance of the series. He decided that he would be early for their next training session...maybe.

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**Updates will be sporadic since I am very busy. Do not send me ways to annoy the characters. I run this story. To everyone else, I love you much and I'd appreciate if you reviewed!**


	2. Deidara

**Thank you TheGirlWithNoIQ for reviewing!**

**I will be switching between good guy and bad (or deemed bad) guy so here's a member of the Akatsuki for ya!**

**A/N: real life items will be incorporated into this chapter. Bold: black Zetsu, italics: white Zetsu.**

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**D**_e_i**d**_a_r**a**:  
Switch his clay with Moon Sand

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"Moon sand, moon sand, the clay that molds like dough!" Tobi sang as he skipped from his place at the market.

The masked man had no idea that they sold stuff like this! It never dried out and it could be shaped into anything. This was the perfect gift for Deidara-sempai. After calling his art bland, the explosionist had done what he did best: he blew Tobi to high heaven. The man with the fiery temper was going to need some more clay and this way, because it was colorful, it would be much better and prettier when it exploded!

Technically it was sand, but it was like dough and dough was like clay right? If he mixed them together, it would make everything okay! This would be the perfect way to make it up to Deidara-sempai and help his art not be so boring. He would be happy that Tobi wanted to help him be a better artist.

Slowing down, the giddy Akatsuki member entered the hideout and immediately was confronted by Zetsu.

"**Where have you been Tobi?** _What have you got there_?"

He couldn't tell anyone about the present he had gotten for Deidara-sempai. If he did, it might get back to him and the surprise would be ruined! Thinking quickly Tobi said, "I just went to buy something. It's not for Deidara-sempai or anything like that! No way!"

The plant ninja gazed at Tobi silently for a moment. He never would understand this personality of his and there was no point in trying to decipher what was going through that little mind. Whatever it was, Zetsu had a strong feeling that it was going to end up badly. He wasn't going to warn Deidara; despite his black half's serious nature, his white half was all for pranks. Tobi most likely wouldn't mean it as a trick or insult, but he never was very good at trying to do nice things for people like the time he brought Zetsu a bag of manure. He thought that the man with the duo personality needed to give his flytrap "food" because it was a plant. Black Zetsu was not very happy about it.

"**Do not get yourself into trouble Tobi.**" The ivory side laughed. "_You know that's impossible_."

Zetsu then slipped through the floor and was gone. Tobi was safe; Zetsu-san knew nothing of his plans and now he could go execute them. It was a good thing it was about three in the morning so Deidara-sempai would be asleep. The place he went to wasn't exactly open so Tobi snuck inside, got what he needed, and left the money on the counter. He had to do it for Deidara sempai; Tobi couldn't go to the store during the day because someone else might have seen him get the Moon Sand and that would ruin everything.

Tip toe-ing the twenty feet to the former Stone ninja's room, Tobi quietly opened the door, making sure to stay absolutely silent. It wasn't necessary because Deidara was a heavy sleeper, but it was just in case. Tobi didn't want to get to get caught so this was important.

After opening the container of moon sand, Tobi looked around for the pouch that Deidara kept his clay in. He realized this was going to be harder than he thought when Deidara turned on his side and he saw that the pouch was still tied on his waist. Tobi gulped; he could do this. He had to for sempai! This was the only way to make his art pretty so after taking a few cautious steps towards the bed, Tobi reached out and slowly began unzipping the small bag.

Tobi had to stop himself from jumping up and down when he managed to get it open without waking his sempai. It was short lived when the male tried to pull the clay from the pouch, but Deidara rolled onto his stomach, trapping it underneath him. Sitting back to try and figure out what to do, Tobi decided he was just going to have to flip the blonde back over. Hopefully he wouldn't wake up.

After getting Deidara halfway, Tobi froze when he heard, "What the hell are you doing?"  
"I-I..." The masked man stopped speaking when he saw that the artist's eyes were still closed, his breathing remaining even. Deidara was talking in his sleep.

"Stupid marshmallows," he muttered, blonde hair shifting when he turned his head. "I'll roast all you fuckers."

Struggling to stifle his laughter, Tobi finished turning Deidara over and pulled out his clay. It only took a few minutes to mix the Moon Sand and clay together. Sempai's art was going to be so pretty!

* * *

Deidara and Tobi were walking through the forest after being sent on a mission to scope out the next Jinchuriki. The masked man couldn't contain his excitement. Deidara-sempai hadn't said anything yet about his clay so he guessed he didn't know about what Tobi did.

"Did you like the present?" Tobi asked eagerly, interrupting Deidara in mid-sentence.

The shinobi frowned at his ditzy partner. "Just what the hell are you talking about?"

"The present I gave you."

"What present, un?"

"You don't know what present?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"But I gave you a surprise! Why don't know about it yet?"

Deidara clenched his teeth together before saying, "Because I don't fucking know. Start making some damn sense or shut the hell up!"

Tobi danced from one foot to the other frantically. "But I can't know if you like your gift unless you use it!"

"Say one more thing and I'll blow you up Tobi," Deidara growled, hand unzipping and entering his pouch.

"But Tobi wants you to like the present!"

The explosionist saw red; his temper was indeed just like his art and he immediately opened the mouth in his palm, allowing it to begin chewing his clay. Something didn't feel right; his clay usually had a smooth feel to it, but this time it was a little gritty. No matter, Tobi had shot his last nerve to hell and Deidara was going to send him flying for it.  
Pulling his hand from the pouch, the mouth spit the clay back up and Deidara molded it into three spiders without looking. "I told you to shut up, un!"

The fact that Tobi was laughing happily like a maniac wasn't doing anything to subside the rage within him. Deidara threw the spiders at the giddy man and when they hit his partner, they exploded...colorfully and like a firework instead of a bomb.

Blonde eyebrows furrowed. "Hmm? What the hell?" Deidara looked at his palm and his bright blue eyes shot open in surprise. His mouth's tongue was green. "What is this!"

Tobi clapped his hands. "I'm glad that Deidara-sempai likes his gift! Tobi mixed sempai's clay with green moon sand to make it pretty because Deidara-sempai got angry when Tobi said his art was boring."

Deidara looked in his pouch and saw that his clay was now a lime green color. His anger tripled, but instead of attacking Tobi, he counted backwards from ten. Afterwards, he molded another spider and ran at the nuisance, "I'm going shove this down your throat Tobi, un!"

"No sempai!" Tobi exclaimed as he took off running, Deidara hot on his trail.

Zetsu slid partially from a tree, watching the two tear up the forest while Tobi tried to escape his irate partner. "_That had to be the funniest thing I've ever seen_. **You always were easily amused**."

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**I do not own Moon Sand. The commercial actually annoys me -_- lol. Next will be someone from Konoha. I'll give you a hint: he's similar to Naruto when it comes to not recognizing a girl's feelings.**


	3. Kiba

**Thank you TheGirlWithNoIQ and OffBeatSerendipity.**

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**K**_i_b**a**:  
Put dog food in his meals

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Naruto had serious questions he wanted answers to. One was why did Ichiraku ramen taste so good and the other was recent. He hadn't thought about it until a couple of days ago while he was on a mission with Kiba, Hinata, and Shino. The night when they were eating, Naruto saw that Kiba would feed Akamaru some of his meal. Did that mean it was the other way around? After all, Kiba was part dog...right? The blonde was dying to know the answer. If Kiba ate dog food, that definitely meant he was part animal.

The sixteen year old sat in his messy room trying to come up with a way to see Kiba's reaction to dog food. If he just asked him to eat it, there was no way the Inuzuka would allow himself to willingly consume Kibbles N bits. Wait, no; Naruto wouldn't use dry dog food, he would use the type that actually looked like regular people food! He would warm it up and everything.

Naruto smiled to himself at his plan. All he needed now was an idea to feed it to Kiba. How would he make him eat it without knowing? Akamaru would be able to tell if it wasn't actually human food and it would probably be the same for Kiba. It seemed like he had hit a brick wall in his plan. How would he get around the fact that those two would be able to smell something was off a mile away?  
There was a strong knock at the door and the Jinchuriki stood, kicking empty containers of ramen and dirty clothes out of the way in order to clear a path. Upon opening it his door, he came face to face with Sakura.

"Hey Sakura, what's up?"

The pink-haired girl gave him an excited smile and said, "We're going to battle against Kurenai-sensei's team this afternoon at two o clock. Even she and Kakashi-sensei are going to spar so you better be there."

Naruto began giggling maniacally to himself. This was the perfect opportunity to execute his plan. After they fought, everyone would be hungry. If he offered to make something then that would be the easiest way to get Kiba to eat dog food. By his reaction, Naruto would know if he was just like a dog or not.

"Sounds like fun!" the blonde exclaimed. "Afterwards we can have a picnic. I'll pick up some stuff from town for us."

Sakura scrunched up her nose. "Are you going to get everyone ramen because I-"

"No," Naruto interrupted quickly, reaching a hand back to scratch the back of his head. "I'll just um...get ramen for myself! Yeah that's it! No one likes ramen more than me after all!"  
She rolled her viridian eyes before turning to walk away. "You've got that right. See ya later Naruto!"

Said ninja returned to his room in order to get his wallet. It only took a moment and Naruto was out the door, but had to return because he had forgotten to brush his teeth. Stopping to think before leaving again, the knuckle head ninja remembered to grab his weapon's pouch for later and headed out into the bright sunlight. It only took a moment for Naruto to submerge himself deep in the streets of the market and soon he was buying meals for each person who would be at the battle. Everyone except Kakashi-sensei anyway; he always was skipping out on paying for his meals so there was no way Naruto was going to pay for his food yet again.

So far he had something for all of Kurenai-sensei's team including the meal that would be replaced with dog food for Kiba. Then he had a packed lunch for both Sakura and Sai as well. Now there was only the task of buying himself something and getting the item for his scheme.

Naruto was laughing quietly as he continued moving through the market. This plan would be foolproof. All he had to do was switch the meat with the dog food and see what happened when Kiba ate it. He still worried a bit about the brunette or his trusted companion sniffing the difference, but maybe he would get lucky and they wouldn't notice.

After buying his ramen and having it put into a container he had for when he couldn't eat at Ichiraku's, the young ninja then got the last item he needed. He returned home in order to warm up the puppy food and replaced it with the meat that was in one of the meals he had bought. In order to make sure he didn't get confused, Naruto placed the lunch for Kiba at the top of the bag.  
Gazing at the clock, Naruto saw that it was almost two now. It looked like his trip to the market had taken about thirty minutes and now he was ready to head towards the training grounds.

The battle between teams ended up with a draw. Each match was five minutes long and it was decided by Iruka-sensei, the one who had been the referee, who won if there wasn't a clear winner. Naruto of course won his fight with Kiba although the accidental advantage he had gotten in the chuunin exams didn't work. He had a cold and his nose was stuffed up so he couldn't smell any of the rotten gases that seeped from the blonde's backside; luckily that still worked in Naruto's favor. Now the chances of Kiba sniffing out the dog food would be lessened.

After the sparing match, Naruto handed out the lunches he had brought, pausing to congratulate Hinata for beating Sakura. He was really proud of her for that; she showed everyone how much she had improved and although she didn't win without injury, the quiet girl still did great. Not only that, but the Hyuuga princess looked prettier to him today. In fact, he never noticed that she was pretty at all until a few days ago.

Their meals had grown a little cool, but it was still a bit warm and everyone else began digging in. Kakashi turned to Kurenai-sensei and asked, "What was that jutsu you used? I don't think I've seen something like that before."

"Do I hear someone being a sore loser?" the Jounin asked her fellow ninja, a smile breaking over her red lips while she picked up her chopsticks and began to eat.

"Never," Kakashi mumbled. His attention turned to their little group and he realized he was the only one who hadn't been brought lunch. "Where's mine Naruto?"

"Go buy your own sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, blue orbs flashing. "You're always skipping out on paying for your meals so if you want something, go buy it!"

The Copy Ninja sighed. "And here I thought you cared about me." The masked man stood and waved. "See you later."

With that, he disappeared in a puff of smoke. Naruto turned his attention back to Kiba, who was opening his lunch. This was the moment the blonde had been waiting for and he swallowed thickly, his heartbeat pounding in his ears.

Suddenly, Akamaru began barking and Kiba looked at his dog. "Yeah right, I'm not falling for that again."

"What's wrong Kiba?" Hinata asked.

Said shinobi frowned at the large white canine. "He's trying to tell me that this has dog food in it. He told me that before and it was only so he could get my food. Well, you aren't going to fool me again Akamaru!"

The dog began to whine in response and Kiba flat out ignored him. Naruto had to stop himself from acting giddy with the turn of events. He had gotten so lucky because if Kiba had believed Akamaru, his whole plan would have been thwarted. It was a good thing that Kiba was very stubborn.  
Tasting a small piece of the meat first, Kiba didn't find anything wrong and continued eating. "This is good. Where'd you get it from?"

Naruto stood up and pointed a finger at the male accusingly. "See! I knew it! You are part animal because only dogs like dog food!"

Sakura choked on the piece of broccoli she was trying to chew. After a few claps on the back from Hinata, the kunoichi was able to breath and asked incredulously, "Naruto, you really put dog food into Kiba's meal?"

"I wanted to see how he would act after eating it!" he explained. "Since he likes it, he's just like a puppy!"

Shino gazed at the food in front of him. "Naruto, did you put dog food in our meals as well?"  
Immediately the others began spitting out their lunch while Naruto tried to explain that he didn't do anything to anyone else's food. It was too late from all the angry expressions he was receiving so the Jinchuriki turned and high tailed it out of the woods. He knew he was caught when he heard, "Wolf Fang over Fang" shouted from behind him. This wasn't going to end pretty at all.

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**I like having a character running off in fear lol. Next person doesn't seem to know how to die. I wonder if you'll figure it out.**


	4. Hidan

**Thank you Senbonzakura Kisu, TheGirlWithNoIQ, and sasukes1luver for reviewing.**

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**H**_i_d**a**_n_:  
Take his Jashin rosary

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The Jashinist yawned, reaching a hand back run a hand through his unruly silver locks and the other running down to stroke himself. Opening fuschia orbs, he stood from his bed and stretched his arms over his head, grunting in contentment when his shoulders popped. Looking back at his bed, Hidan saw that his woman wasn't there. Not surprising; that pink-haired bitch was always up extra early doing whatever the hell it was she did. He preferred if she was still in his arms when he woke up, but no, Sakura always had something to do.

Hidan closed his eyes to pray to Jashin, fingers reaching up to grasp his rosary. His eyes shot open in confusion when all he felt was the smooth skin of his neck. "What the _fuck_?"

He stumbled to the bathroom and looked into the mirror, near panic rising when he saw that his necklace was gone. Hidan rushed back to his bed, slinging the comforters, sheets, and pillows off it; his necklace was nowhere to be found.  
A painful burning sensation began to work its way from his fingers and inching up his arms. It was clear that Lord Jashin was not pleased that he had misplaced his rosary.

_Hidan...you have been careless._

The immortal male fell face first onto the bed, writhing in pain he wasn't accustomed to. When he performed his rituals, yes, they were excruciating, but it was tinged with the most erotic, sexual, and pleasurable feeling. This pain lacked that; if Lord Jashin took the time out to speak with him, Hidan knew he was in trouble.

"Yeah I know that!" he exclaimed, nearly curling into a ball. "Just give me a little time to find it and I'll give you twice as many sacrifices to make up for it!"  
For a second, Hidan guessed that Lord Jashin wasn't buying it, but after a few moments, the searing pain subsided.

"Thank you Lord Jashin," he said, getting to his feet and swiftly put on his Akatsuki robe; he didn't bother putting any clothes underneath it because he needed to find his necklace now.

Hidan destroyed his room looking for his rosary to no avail. Where the hell was it? Exiting it, the Jashinist raked a hand through his still disheveled hair, trying to back track on all that he did the day before.

Yesterday, he and his partner Kakuzu had returned from an assignment. The first thing Hidan did was search for his woman and he found her patching up the little fuck Deidara who had gotten a deep gash on his arm while fighting Kisame. After three weeks of not getting any, Hidan was more than sexually frustrated and dragged Sakura back to their room. He fucked the shit out of her and then they fell asleep. That had been late that night when he returned and Hidan knew he had on his rosary when he was having sex; the damn thing kept slapping against his chest from how hard he was moving into his woman.

That meant that it disappeared between the time he fell asleep and when he woke up. Hidan's eyes widened; he knew exactly what happened: that fucking foliage bastard used his slip-through-the-floor trick to come in a steal his necklace. He never liked him anyway, complaining that leaving a body to rot was a waste. Hidan might have been close to a carnivore, but he wasn't going to chow down on a human corpse.

"That _prick_," Hidan seethed, storming down the hallway in order to find that duo personality having bastard. "I'll kill him."

Raging outside, Hidan made a beeline for Zetsu's garden that was hidden deep in the forest behind the hideout. That was where the plant ninja always was unless requested by Pain otherwise. Too bad that the irate man didn't bring his scythe with him; slicing through Zetsu's precious plants and herbs would be the best feeling ever.

* * *

"Zetsu!" he yelled, forcing his way through bushes, ignoring the stinging sensation of the branches cutting at his ankles. "Where the fuck are you?!"

He came up to the large glass facility and swung the door open, nearly cracking it with how much force he used.

"**I have warned you before**. _Anyone who comes in here will be eaten._"

Hidan whirled around to see the much taller male behind him, his anger spiking at the sight of the one who stole his necklace. "You! Where the hell is my rosary! I know you took it!"

Hidan poked Zetsu forcefully in the chest to emphasize his point, wincing when his finger felt like it was going to break.

Zetsu frowned down at him. "**You think I've taken what?** _What could I possibly gain from taking a simple necklace_?"

"I don't fucking know!" Hidan shouted. "Just give it back!"

"_You are quite sad_. **I do not have your belonging now get out before I do decide to eat you**."

Zetsu grasped his cloak and tossed Hidan out of the greenhouse. The immortal felt the breath go out of his body when his back slammed against a tree. After struggling to catch his breath, Hidan let out a strand of curses and got to his feet, dusting himself off.

When he looked up, Zetsu was moving toward him with lightning speed. The plant shinobi grasped Hidan's shoulders and bit down on the hollow of Hidan's throat.

"_Holy shit!_" Hidan yelled when he felt the searing pain of Zetsu's razor sharp teeth tearing away his skin.

The two colored male chewed contently on the chunk of flesh he had ripped from Hidan's body, blood drizzling down the corner of his mouth. "_Warm flesh tastes much more delicious_. **That was payment for entering my domain**."

Zetsu slipped through the ground while Hidan continued to shout obscenities, blood pouring from his wound. Too bad Hidan only felt pleasure with the pain that came with sacrificing.

When the wound finally knitted itself, Hidan gazed back at the greenhouse he had been chucked out of. It looked like Zetsu didn't have his rosary, but if that was the case, who did?

_Hidan..._

A sharp pain laced through his chest, causing the Akatsuki member to fall to one knee. "Lord Jashin, that hurts damn it!"

_Find it or I will destroy you..._

That was clear enough; Hidan had no doubt in his mind that Lord Jashin would be able to do away with him. After all, it was Jashin who gave him immortality.

"Fuck," Hidan hissed as the pain began to subside. "Where the hell is it? Lord

Jashin, you can see everything. Why not just tell me where it is?"  
When he got no response, it was clear that he was on his own for this. The twisted, religious man walked back towards the Akatsuki hideout, completely set on turning the entire place upside down.

* * *

After searching the base for hours, Hidan still wasn't able to find the rosary. Sakura would be home in a moment; she had been sent earlier that day to retrieve more medical equipment for the Akatsuki's use. The trip to the facility that the Akatsuki bought their items from was six hours away on foot so his woman had been gone all day.

Hidan headed towards the entrance when he heard the door slide up. The eighteen year old pink-haired kunoichi walked inside, Akatsuki robe hanging loosely on her small frame. When her beryl orbs locked on her lover, they lit up and she moved to his side.

"Hey I-"

"Have you seen my necklace?" Hidan interrupted. "I can't fucking find it."

Sakura's eyebrows knitted in confusion for a moment before a look of realization crossed her features. She reached into her cloak and pulled something out that was attached to her neck. _His rosary._

Sakura removed the necklace and handed it to her lover. "I thought it was pretty and I wanted something of yours to take with me on the trip. I didn't think you'd mind."

Hidan looked at her completely dumbfounded. "You thought that my rosary, the most important thing to me other than my scythe and Lord Jashin's approval, wasn't important?"

The woman lowered her head. "I'm sorry I just..."

Her words were interrupted when Hidan heard in his mind "punish her". It was Lord Jashin, but when he suddenly became aroused, his body feeling like it was on fire and his manhood responding to the spike in sexual desire, it was clear just what kind of "punishment" was supposed to be administered. Hidan had a feeling that this was just something Lord Jashin did for entertainment...pervert.

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**I love Hidan lol. The next one cares quite a bit about her appearance. That should be an easy one lol.**


	5. Ino

**Thank you YamiHinata, sasukes1wuver, and princessbinas for reviewing! This is all I had written from my previous account. I have to figure out who I want to do next ^_^.  
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**I**_n_o**:**

Switch her perfume with vinegar

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"That freaking pig," a sixteen year old girl seethed, slamming things around in her room. "She thinks she's so cool just because Sasuke agreed to go on a date with her."

The irate female threw her sandals forcefully into her closet, putting a dent in the wall before they fell abused onto the floor. So what if he did? It was only because he was tired of her asking. On the other hand, Sasuke had never turned her down!...except for that one time when he called her annoying that is...

That one didn't count because the things she was saying about Naruto were mean and untrue. She completely deserved what Sasuke said and Sakura loved that he had been honest with her. Still, Ino rubbing a date with him in her face was beyond frustrating.

"She can be such a bitch," Sakura huffed as she plopped down on her bed.

There must have been something she could do to sabotage that date and make Ino look like a total idiot in front of Sasuke. Sure, it might have been a little childish, but it was necessary to bring that pig off her high horse.

Sakura sighed and turned beryl orbs to gaze a her disheveled room. They roamed over the picture of Team Seven over to her dresser and that was when she saw it.

"That's it!"

A bottle of perfume that Ino had let her borrow a few days ago was sitting on her dresser. Sakura remembered that Ino said she was going to come get it when she was blabbing about her date.

Sakura raised an eyebrow slyly, a smirk curling at the corner of her mouth. What if Sakura switched her perfume with something with a more...interesting smell to it? That would be the perfect way to embarrass Ino so bad that her face would permanently be crimson.

The young kunoichi giggled evilly at her plan. She stood and placed a finger to her chin thoughtfully, foot tapping rhythmically as she pondered what to switch it out with. Sakura left her room to check her small home for something devious. The first place she checked was the kitchen.

Rummaging through the cupboards, the teenager tossed various choices out of the way, not finding any of them to be worthy of that ugly, blonde brat. Her smile faltered when she didn't see anything good enough. Just as she was about to close the wooden door, Sakura spotted a jar in the very back and her smile instantly reappeared.

"Vinegar."

The young ninja's fit of maniacal laughter returned as she removed the jar, walking over to the sink with the perfume bottle in the other hand. Sakura emptied it and refilled it with vinegar. The sour scent mixing with what was left in bottle made her nose crinkle in disgust. It was perfect.

Performing a Transformation Jutsu, Sakura made the disgusting concoction smell like the perfume that was once in the bottle and closed it, smiling viciously when she heard a knock.

Sakura quickly returned the bottle to the dresser in her room then went to the door.

There stood Ino smiling triumphantly at Sakura when she answered. "Hey Billboard Brow. I just stopped by to grab my perfume so I can get ready for my date with Sasuke-kun."

The way she said it and smirked at Sakura made her want to rip her face off, but thinking about the outcome of her prank made the irate girl stay calm as she turned her back and began walking to her room.

"So where are you two going?" Sakura asked bitterly, trying to continue playing the jealous role even though she technically was.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Ino said smoothly, taunting laced in her words. "Well if you must know, Sasuke and I are going to Ichiraku's today at five. Who knows, we might have a romantic walk beside the river afterwards. Doesn't that sound perfect?"

_That's it_, Sakura thought to herself once she reached the dresser where her masterpiece sat gleaming in its emerald bottle. _I'll follow them then release the jutsu and laugh at her when Sasuke tells her how disgusting she smells. Serves her right!_

Sakura smiled to herself before wrapping her fingers around the bottle and turning to hand it to Ino. "You're such a bitch."

Ion's crystal blue eyes sparkled as she took what she thought was her perfume. "I know."

Later on that day, Sakura hid in the bushes close by Ichiraku Ramen, concealing her chakra so that she could go undetected. She felt like a creeper following Ino around, but it had to be done. Sakura needed to sabotage this date so she could have a better shot at Sasuke.

Scanning the area, the young girl's heart sped up when she saw that head of ebony spikes walking towards Ichiraku. He was so irresistible and the fact that he was strong made him more attractive. Sakura held back a sigh as she gazed fixated at those dark orbs that were moving fluidly over the scenery.

The rosette frowned when she saw that blonde idiot move from her place outside of Ichiraku's shop to hug Sasuke. His face remained expressionless and he spoke; Sakura hoped he was telling her to get off.

_Alright, it's game time._

Sakura held up her hands and did the appropriate hand sign. "Release."

An evil smile worked it's way across Sakura face as she waited for Sasuke to push Ino away in disgust. A few moments turned into minutes and Sakura's joy began to diminish. What the heck was going on?

Sakura stood abruptly from her hiding place and stomped over to Sasuke and the devil that was with him. She stood in front of them and glared at her enemy who was giving her a sultry smile.

"Did your plan to sabotage my date with Sasuke-kun backfire?" she asked sweetly, hooking her arm into the male's beside her. "Well I figured you would try something and I was right. If you're going to put a transformation on something you're trying to pass off as perfume, make sure to cover your tracks. You put the wrong scent over that concoction."

Sakura wanted to smack herself not only for making a simple mistake such as that, but because now she had been embarrassed in front of her crush. Her cheeks were flushed darker than her hair and she wished she could just sink into the ground.

"This is not a date," Sasuke said bluntly, untangling himself from Ino. "I called you here to tell you to stop sneaking into my bedroom at night. Breaking and entering to watch someone sleep is something a stalker does."

Sakura watched in amusement as Ino's face turned the color of a tomato.

"Wh-what are you talking about?" she questioned, turning her back and fingering a strand of her sun colored locks. "I just um..."

"That's kind of creepy Ino," Sakura taunted, adding insult to injury. "I wouldn't do something like that."

The Uchiha turned to face the other girl who liked him. "Come Sakura, let's spar. I want to see how strong you've become."

"Sure," she answered shyly before turning to Ino and giving her a grin.

Sakura could feel the anger radiating against her back as she and her childhood teammate began the trip to the training grounds. Looks like things did work out as planned after all.

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**Alright that's it. The end of this little short series because I have other stories to worry about. This was just to prove how a list fic should be done.**


	6. Zetsu

**Thank you HinataYami, princessbinas, Writing-OnMy-HeartStrings, and TheGirlWithNoIQ for reviewing! **

**I honestly was about to mark this as completed because this is the amount of chapters it had when it was posted on my old page; however, I still have a few more characters I want to annoy!**

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**Z**_e_t**s**_u_

Try to help with his garden

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"Are you sure Zetsu-San needs help with his plants?"

A wicked smile worked its way across the Explosionist's lips. "Of course! Zetsu's garden has to be weeded, but he doesn't always have time to do it. Even you know the difference between weeds and plants right?"

The man in the orange spiraled mask scratched the top of his head. "Um, of course Tobi knows! But Zetsu-san has told me before he would eat me if he caught me in his garden." Tobi covered his ears and shook his head. "I don't want to be eaten Deidara-senpai!"

The silly male was clocked across his head by the blonde. "Stop being so noisy! Zetsu only likes to eat people that are already dead anyway so you'll be fine."

Tobi rubbed the top of his head, mumbling how Deidara was so violent. Well, if Zetsu needed assistance in with his plants, Tobi would be happy to help him! He would even water and fertilize them for him. It would make Zetsu so happy. Maybe they could even be friends. It was kind of weird how the dual colored man talked to himself in two different voices.

"Okay, bye Deidara-senpai!" Tobi called over his shoulder before rushing towards Zetsu's greenhouse.

Deidara couldn't take it anymore. He broke out not laughter, tilting his head back and holding his stomach. That would teach that little brat to mess with his clay. The mouths in his hands were shooting what looked like firecrackers for a week.

Deidara stopped laughing for a moment and surveyed the lust green forest around him. A thought had come to him: could this backfire in any way? For some reason, he had the worst of luck when it came to Tobi and his antics. For a moment, Deidara felt himself getting nervous. He chuckled to himself and ran a hand through his silky blonde tresses.

"No way, everything should go perfectly."

Just to be safe, Deidara decided to watch his plan play out from the top of the Akatsuki hideout. No harm in taking precautions right?

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Tobi was almost to the giant greenhouse and was feeling pretty good about himself. He had been so helpful to the other members lately like getting Deidara-senpai Moon Sand. Tobi knew that his senpai was pretending to be angry because he was so happy with his gift and didn't want to show it. That was alright with Tobi because he knew the truth deep down.

Now it was time to help Zetsu-san. The masked man honestly was a little scared to get close to the see through building. He had gotten to sneak a peek inside once and he was pretty sure he saw vines slithering along the floor _by themselves_. That had earned screaming and running from Tobi and a scolding from Zetsu. The plant Nin never answered Tobi on whether what he saw had been real or not so maybe it had only been his imagination.

Tobi grew more and more nervous the closer he got to the greenhouse. His heart was racing, he was tip-toeing slowly forward, and he had his Akatsuki robe in each hand to prevent from tripping over it. Finally reaching the door, the terrified male looked up at its looming presence. It was enough to make him attempt to turn and run once more.

_No!_ Tobi thought strongly. _I have to do this for Zetsu-san!_

With a little more confidence, Tobi swallowed thickly and pushed the heavy door open. Surprisingly, the green house was well lit. It was extremely humid inside and different foliage lined every place in the building. Tobi was also surprised to see that Zetsu had all his plants labeled. He would have thought everything would be growing into one monster plant that only Zetsu would be able to distinguish which one was which.

As Tobi continued to look around, he was even more intrigued at the fact that Zetsu also grew vegetables. That's where he could help pull weeds! Tobi whirled around, looking for gardening tools and found some over in a far corner next to plants labeled, "poisonous". The masked male made very sure not to touch them although he really wanted the pretty purple ones. He had to keep reminding himself that those plants were bad in order to keep his straying mind focused. But they were so pretty...

Shaking his head vigorously, Tobi grabbed a pair of worn out gloves and put them on and grabbed a little watering can. Moving back over to the vegetable patch, he began pulling out the weeds. At least he hoped they were weeds. They didn't look like vegetables so they had to be right? He even began whistling a little tune while he worked and after who knows how long, Tobi wiped what little bit of his forehead was exposed with his wrist and examined his handy work.

"That looks way better!" Tobi exclaimed. He picked up the little watering can by his foot and began to pour it over the plants. "Here's some water for you, and some for you!"

He continued to say the little phrase for every plant he watered, which happened to be quite a few. It had taken about an hour, but Zetsu-san's plants looked much better. Tobi was proud of himself. Now he just had to get out of there before the Plant ninja returned. Tobi didn't know why, but he was still deathly afraid that Zetsu actually didn't want anyone to mess with his garden.

Tobi picked up the weeds he had pulled after putting back the gloves and watering can. He placed a bag a fertilizer he had found back in its place. He had just reached the door when a noise sounded behind him. He froze in his spot, arms still full of weeds and one foot off the ground. Could it be that moving vine he'd seen last time?! He could already see the large appendage curling around him like an anaconda and squeezing the life out of him. What was he going to do?!

"_Oh dear. _**What are you doing in here Tobi?"**

Tobi threw the weeds up in the air out of fear. "I'm sorry vine-san! I just was trying to help Zetsu-san with his greenhouse because Deidara-senpai said he needed help. I didn't think Zetsu-san would want help because he told me before he would eat me if I went in here, but Deidara-senpai says he only eats dead bodies so I-"

"_I am Zetsu. Just what are you going on about?"_

The frightened male turned around to see Zetsu standing behind him. He breathed a sigh of relief. It looked like his presence had scared off that evil vine. Tobi watched as Zetsu looked around his greenhouse.

"**Did you do this?"**

Tobi nodded his head furiously. "Deidara-senpai said you needed help so Tobi did his best to make your plants nice!"

"_Did he now?" _

Zetsu knew exactly what that little blonde annoyance was up to. He was hoping that Zetsu would get angry and attack Tobi for being in his garden. _Everyone _knew to stay out of Zetsu's plants. Still, Tobi had done quite a nice job fixing it up for him. He had gotten a little behind on his timeliness due to missions. Maybe he would take it easy on Tobi since he clearly didn't know any better, but Deidara? No, he would pay for what he did.

"_Thank you for your help, _**but if I catch you in here again, I will eat you." **

Tobi gulped thickly and immediately began picking up the weeds he dropped, promising all the while that he would never come into the greenhouse again. Just as Tobi was about to leave, Zetsu stopped him.

"_Give this to Deidara for being kind enough to send you for assistance." _

Tobi looked at the purple blooms on the flower Zetsu handed him. Wasn't this the same plant that was in the section marked "poisonous"? No, Zetsu-san wouldn't give him a poisonous flower. He was just happy that his garden was looking well again.

"**Be careful not to touch the spores. **_This is Deidara's favorite flower so just hand it to him as a gift." _

That was so nice of Zetsu to give Deidara one of his plants! Tobi quickly thanked him and ran off to find his senpai.

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Deidara had gotten bored after about ten minutes of watching Tobi in Zetsu's garden. He had hoped that the lone Akatsuki member would have found him sooner than what he did. There was no sounds of Tobi's screams so maybe his plan did back fire. That irritated him to no end. How did that little brat always avoid trouble and manage to pull him into it?

Just that moment, Tobi found him leaning against a tree. He had a flower in his hand and seemed very excited from how he was bouncing eagerly from foot to foot.

"What's that?" Deidara questioned.

"It's for you!" Tobi tossed it to Deidara, who in turn caught it. "Zetsu told Tobi it's your favorite flower. He says thanks for sending me to help him!"

With that, Tobi vanished as soon as he'd arrived. A single blue orb gazed down at the plant in his hand. Something wasn't right. There was an itch that was becoming unbearable radiating from his hand and up his arm. Deidara quickly tossed the plant to the ground, but it was too late. Splotches were starting to form on his arm. Whatever this plant was, Deidara was clearly _allergic _to it. Zetsu had to have known that and purposely sent Tobi with the plant as pay back for sending him into his greenhouse.

"Damn you Tobi!"

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**Moral of the story: don't mess with Zetsu's greenhouse!**


End file.
